Karen Billings, secretary extraordinaire, loves her job.

Burt, her boss, Burt, is terminally stupid and a constant trial; he needs to be reminded what a Rolodex is, and isn't even smart enough to turn the page on his daily calendar without her telling him to. You could put a cardboard cutout of this man in his office chair and no one could tell the difference.

Burt reminds her as they prepare to leave that she promised him 35 copies of his report for a meeting in the morning. He threatens her with the loss of her Christmas bonus if they aren't on his desk at 8am the next day. Karen argues that she's got a party to to go to tonight, but he doesn't care.

On his way out of the building, he taunts her with his being able to leave. She calls him a cretin, after the doors shut.

Her mood worsens when she finds the normal copier out of order.

She's not sure how the copier works, but just starts pushing buttons.

The copier starts working at a very fast pace; faster than she's ever seen a copier go, but that means she'll get out of the office quicker than she thought.

While counting the copies, Karen finds she's one short. After contemplating just leaving 34, she goes back to the copier to make one last set.

She takes her purse with her, and while throwing it on top of the copier her keys fall out to land on the floor by the copier. She doesn't notice.

She leaves the copier cover open when making the first page copy, and the keys disappear. When the final copy is done she throws it on Burt's desk and leaves.

At the party, she asks about her date but no one knows who he is, and he never shows up. The gallery owner is happy to see her and condescendingly takes her around to the bar. When Karen says she's a secretary, though, the gallery owner stops in amazement.

"You're a secretary?"

Everyone stops talking and turns to look at Karen in unconcealed adoration. She's not sure whats going on, and looks from face to face in amazement.

The gallery owner is flattered and immediately begins fawning over Karen, telling her she's so honored a secretary would even deign to come to her humble gallery. Karen thinks she's crazy.

At the bar she meets a man who barely gives her a second look till he finds out she's a secretary. He apologizes for his prior remarks and gets very self-conscious.

He turns on the charm, hoping he can get to know her better. After all, she's a secretary.

Karen is still trying to understand why they're all acting so strange about her being a secretary.

A gorgeous woman sits down, and they talk. She's a model but wants to be a secretary. Karen stares at her, bewildered.

A bit later, Karen is the life of the party, telling everyone how a secretary lives.

She tells them how she stopped Burt's blotter from sliding around on his desk. They respond like she'd saved the entire world from destruction.

As she's leaving, a crowd of adoring people follow her to the door, hanging on her every word.

One distinguised gentleman stops her and gives her his card. If she's interested in making a change he'd be honored to have her join his company. He's the owner and President.

"Rehnquist International Ltd."

When she looks for her keys, they're gone. She must have left them at the office, so she goes back to find them.

They're nowhere to be found.

She throws her purse on the machine and hits one of the buttons. The copier starts. She looks around, and there are her keys on the floor, right where she had already looked.

At home, she listens to her voice mail. Her date called, wondering why she didn't show up at the party. He was there, so where was she? She looks at the card the gentleman gave her.

She calls the number and it's not a valid number. Now she doesn't know what to think.

The next morning, Burt is livid that she only made 34 copies.

Karen tells him she made 35, and it must be in his desk somewhere. But even she can't find it. Burt insults her and she storms out.

Karen sits down at her desk, contemplating what she's going to do.

She thinks for a minute...

Then turns to her PC and types out a final letter.

She tells her co-worker, with great emphasis and gravity, that she's "going to make a copy," as if she'll never see her again. Her co-worker thinks she's snapped.

Two men are disconnecting the copier she used last night. She shoos them out of the way.

She opens the lid and hits the button.

When the flash subsides, she's by herself in the copy room.

She picks up the phone and calls the number on the card, and this time it works.

Mr. Rehnquist and Karen walk out of her old employer's building. He's briefing her on her new job. She'll be flying to exciting locales, and must stop and buy a new wardrobe, which he'll pay for.

Her limo awaits.

For Karen, the dream has finally come true. A world where secretary's are the most important people, not CEO's or the Chairman of the Board, which is as it should be in ours.

Off she goes to a wonderful future.

Last revised: Saturday, December 14, 2002

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